How I spent the last hour

Get ready to put the Whole Wheat Vegetable Lasagna into the oven and realize that it is made w/portobello mushrooms.  **shudder**   Little, Little Man needs his diaper changed, no diapers handy, leave him laying on the changing pad (on the floor) to go get some, walk past the kitchen & realize the ice tea is not brewing into the pitcher but all over the counter/floor.  Forget about Little, Little Man in the scramble to clean it up. Hear a baby screaming & rush back to the living room to find that Little, Little Man rolled over & bumped his head on the coffee table. Change his diaper, make a comment about his stinky poopy to which Mini responds "me, too!" Follow Mini into the bathroom to find she pooped in her underwear, get her cleaned up & hubby walks in the door...  I'm beat!

2nd Time Around

When we had Mini we were just learning how to be parents.  We did our best to make the right choices; sometimes we probably goofed but overall we did pretty good, I think.  Be that as it may there are always choices you wish you could have a "do over" on.  That is what second children are for.  ;-)

We get the chance to things differently the second time around.  For better or for worse.

Some of them are purely for survival and others because we figured out that they ended up being an issue as Mini got older: 

Pacifier- I didn't push it with Mini because I pretty much was always able to pick her up and comfort her, with the twins there is just no way.  I need Little, Little Man to be able to gain some comfort on his own while I deal with Mini or Big, Little Man and visa versa.

Breast feeding/Co-sleeping/2am feeding- We co-slept with Mini until she was 10+ months old and she was breastfed on demand.  It was not possible to co-sleep with both boys and they both had latch issues so I pumped and bottle fed them before starting formula at 6 weeks.  Once they were old enough we weaned them off the 2am feeding because the lack of sleep was becoming detrimental.

Pass the Baby- I'll admit it with Mini I had a hard time letting others hold her (& this included her Daddy!)  With the twins I am quite willing to hand them off to whoever wants to hold them.  :-)

I am sure there are more changes to come as we learn what has worked and what hasn't with Mini.  Of course, there is no guarantee that it will help with the boys.  ;-)

A Whole New World

I recently decided that I was suffering from postpartum depression.  I was overwhelmed by the kids and a lot of days it was all I could do to get up and follow our routine.  With a toddler and 2 babies depending on me there was no way I could just stay in bed each morning.  I would force myself to feed everyone, change diapers, get them dressed, get me dressed, plaster a smile on my face & head to the gym.  All I wanted to do was disappear into a dark room to hide.  The longer I tried to deal the more my OCD tendencies tried to assert itself.  I attacked my husband for giving the babies the wrong color toys or bottles and for countless other things.  He was an easy target really, who else could I attack?  I noticed that my 2 year old was starting to pick up on things and act on them.  My heart would break when she would say "Too loud, Mommy, too loud" but I felt out of touch.

On top of all this my body does not seem like it is mine.  Instead of losing weight since having the twins I have gained more even though I go to the gym and workout and eat healthy.  In order to have my Essure procedure I had to have a Depo shot at the end of December so my hormones are out of whack.  I figured part of my depression stemmed from all of this so I talked to my nurse practitioner, who is also a family friend, and she made me an appointment with her for the next day.  She ran a full screening (kidneys/liver function, hormone levels, thyroid...)  In addition she prescribed me Zoloft and Ritalin.  She has had good results treating postpartum depression using Zoloft plus it also is used to treat OCD and, because I had been on Ritalin in the past, she went ahead and gave me a prescription to treat my ADD.

I have been on the medications for almost a week now and the difference is amazing.  The chaos has calmed.  I realized it the other day when I managed to clean 3 bathrooms from top to bottom, do 4 loads of laundry and take care of the kids w/o feeling overwhelmed.  Doesn't seem like much but to me it is a whole new world.  Do I think it is all just gonna go away now that I am on meds? No.  But it helps and those around me have noticed and that is what matters right now.  The rest I am working on.  :-D

Twice the...

Aahhh.... The magic of twins.  When I got pregnant last January the first thing I noticed was how much bigger I seemed so much earlier than my pregnancy with Madison (does any of that make sense...lol...)  I told my nurse practitioner, whom I have known almost half my life, that her only job was to tell me my due date and that I was NOT having twins.  Well, the first thing I noticed when I had my ultrasound was that as she moved the wand across my stomach there seemed to be 2 voids.  I chose to ignore it.  You can only ignore it for so long.  My husband cracked a joke, "there's gonna be 4 in there."  :-o I told him not to joke.  The ultrasound tech said, "well, there's not 4 but... There's 2."  :-O  Of course, I immediately went into shock.  That is almost too much to absorb, I can't even imagine being told there were more than that.  My nurse practitioner was excited, of course, even if she didn't quite do what I asked.  It was a long pregnancy that I thought was going to get the best of me but with tons of support from many friends, whom I call family, I was able to make it.  The twins are almost 20 weeks old now (WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!?!?) and, so far, we are all hanging in there.  We have survived jaundice, their first colds, and weaning them off the 2am bottle.  I can only think about how everything is twice as much than when you just have one.

Twice the worry,
twice the work,
twice the exhaustion.

Twice the crying,
twice the terror,
twice the illnesses.

Twice the diapers,
twice the formula,
twice the bibs,
twice the laundry.

But there is also:
Twice the giggles,
twice the wiggles,
twice the smiles.

Twice the joy,
twice the cuddles
twice the love.

I'll take it.  :-D

Can this day just end already???

I am so over this day.  This week.  This month.

I have a lot on my plate.  Too much, I know, but that's life.  Some days I just want to hit the fast forward button.  Like today.  So, please, can this day just end already?????

Tomorrow

Some days are better than others.  This I know.  Today is not one of those days.  All day it seemed like things were not going my way.  Nothing major just little things: the boys were up at 3:30a, I woke up with my sinuses clogged and a sore throat, dropped my iPod and the case broke, stepped wrong on my foot and my ankle started bothering me, the lock on my gym locker decided to randomly change it's combination and I had to pry it apart (which was way too easy!,) plans got rearranged and I ended up w/an extra toddler, and for some reason I no longer have any perception of my body so I keep bumping into things...  Just enough to put me on a ledge looking over the cliff.  I took a deep breath and turned my back to that stupid ledge.  You see, tomorrow has to be a better day.  And this time I know it will be.  Hubby and I are going to run away for a night, take a breather, if you will.  I need it.  I just wish I could remember to do it more often.  Then maybe I could stand on the ledge and just enjoy the view.

Potty Training

After observing my daughter for almost an hour her doctor asked me if she was potty trained yet.  I said no, I mean she is only 2.5 so it's not like she is behind or anything.  Well, the doctor said that with her intelligence level she was just playing us.  We're fine with this cause with 2 4 month olds I don't have time to clean up the messes big girl panties would bring.  She goes on the big potty when she wants to and if I catch her with a dry diaper she'll usually go for me.

Today after her bath she says to me "something's coming out of my parts, maybe I go pee potty."  So she's playing us big time.  Oh, well, what ya gonna do...right.