2nd Time Around

When we had Mini we were just learning how to be parents.  We did our best to make the right choices; sometimes we probably goofed but overall we did pretty good, I think.  Be that as it may there are always choices you wish you could have a "do over" on.  That is what second children are for.  ;-)

We get the chance to things differently the second time around.  For better or for worse.

Some of them are purely for survival and others because we figured out that they ended up being an issue as Mini got older: 

Pacifier- I didn't push it with Mini because I pretty much was always able to pick her up and comfort her, with the twins there is just no way.  I need Little, Little Man to be able to gain some comfort on his own while I deal with Mini or Big, Little Man and visa versa.

Breast feeding/Co-sleeping/2am feeding- We co-slept with Mini until she was 10+ months old and she was breastfed on demand.  It was not possible to co-sleep with both boys and they both had latch issues so I pumped and bottle fed them before starting formula at 6 weeks.  Once they were old enough we weaned them off the 2am feeding because the lack of sleep was becoming detrimental.

Pass the Baby- I'll admit it with Mini I had a hard time letting others hold her (& this included her Daddy!)  With the twins I am quite willing to hand them off to whoever wants to hold them.  :-)

I am sure there are more changes to come as we learn what has worked and what hasn't with Mini.  Of course, there is no guarantee that it will help with the boys.  ;-)

A Whole New World

I recently decided that I was suffering from postpartum depression.  I was overwhelmed by the kids and a lot of days it was all I could do to get up and follow our routine.  With a toddler and 2 babies depending on me there was no way I could just stay in bed each morning.  I would force myself to feed everyone, change diapers, get them dressed, get me dressed, plaster a smile on my face & head to the gym.  All I wanted to do was disappear into a dark room to hide.  The longer I tried to deal the more my OCD tendencies tried to assert itself.  I attacked my husband for giving the babies the wrong color toys or bottles and for countless other things.  He was an easy target really, who else could I attack?  I noticed that my 2 year old was starting to pick up on things and act on them.  My heart would break when she would say "Too loud, Mommy, too loud" but I felt out of touch.

On top of all this my body does not seem like it is mine.  Instead of losing weight since having the twins I have gained more even though I go to the gym and workout and eat healthy.  In order to have my Essure procedure I had to have a Depo shot at the end of December so my hormones are out of whack.  I figured part of my depression stemmed from all of this so I talked to my nurse practitioner, who is also a family friend, and she made me an appointment with her for the next day.  She ran a full screening (kidneys/liver function, hormone levels, thyroid...)  In addition she prescribed me Zoloft and Ritalin.  She has had good results treating postpartum depression using Zoloft plus it also is used to treat OCD and, because I had been on Ritalin in the past, she went ahead and gave me a prescription to treat my ADD.

I have been on the medications for almost a week now and the difference is amazing.  The chaos has calmed.  I realized it the other day when I managed to clean 3 bathrooms from top to bottom, do 4 loads of laundry and take care of the kids w/o feeling overwhelmed.  Doesn't seem like much but to me it is a whole new world.  Do I think it is all just gonna go away now that I am on meds? No.  But it helps and those around me have noticed and that is what matters right now.  The rest I am working on.  :-D