Monday, March 14, 2011

A Whole New World

I recently decided that I was suffering from postpartum depression.  I was overwhelmed by the kids and a lot of days it was all I could do to get up and follow our routine.  With a toddler and 2 babies depending on me there was no way I could just stay in bed each morning.  I would force myself to feed everyone, change diapers, get them dressed, get me dressed, plaster a smile on my face & head to the gym.  All I wanted to do was disappear into a dark room to hide.  The longer I tried to deal the more my OCD tendencies tried to assert itself.  I attacked my husband for giving the babies the wrong color toys or bottles and for countless other things.  He was an easy target really, who else could I attack?  I noticed that my 2 year old was starting to pick up on things and act on them.  My heart would break when she would say "Too loud, Mommy, too loud" but I felt out of touch.

On top of all this my body does not seem like it is mine.  Instead of losing weight since having the twins I have gained more even though I go to the gym and workout and eat healthy.  In order to have my Essure procedure I had to have a Depo shot at the end of December so my hormones are out of whack.  I figured part of my depression stemmed from all of this so I talked to my nurse practitioner, who is also a family friend, and she made me an appointment with her for the next day.  She ran a full screening (kidneys/liver function, hormone levels, thyroid...)  In addition she prescribed me Zoloft and Ritalin.  She has had good results treating postpartum depression using Zoloft plus it also is used to treat OCD and, because I had been on Ritalin in the past, she went ahead and gave me a prescription to treat my ADD.

I have been on the medications for almost a week now and the difference is amazing.  The chaos has calmed.  I realized it the other day when I managed to clean 3 bathrooms from top to bottom, do 4 loads of laundry and take care of the kids w/o feeling overwhelmed.  Doesn't seem like much but to me it is a whole new world.  Do I think it is all just gonna go away now that I am on meds? No.  But it helps and those around me have noticed and that is what matters right now.  The rest I am working on.  :-D

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